The Perfect Gift

What do you get someone that has everything? I know, most of us don’t know anyone that actually “has everything” but they all seem to act like it. I mean, it is like when you call someone no matter what time you dial them up…they are never sleeping! Does everyone stay up 24 hours a day? It can be 0300 or 3:00 AM for you civilians and they sound like death has warmed over and when you ask if they were sleeping EVERYONE says, “No I wasn’t sleep’n…just resting my eyes.” Same with gifts, birthday, anniversary, Christmas…we all get the same response, “You don’t have to get me anything. Or Nah, I don’t need anything”. I mean everyone is a liar if they say they don’t ‘want’ something but I understand that we don’t all need something. So why do we always get in trouble when we actually don’t get anything for that person? I had a girlfriend once that said she didn’t want me to get her anything for Christmas, just my time was enough for her. So I believed her and this is where I went wrong. She got me three gifts…and I got her none. Score: Her 3 vs Me 0 She wins. I know all you with wives and husbands no what I am talking about. So what do we do? We 99.9% of the time get no hint whatsoever and when we do finally through pain stacking, screaming kids, long lines, fake sales and anxiety attacks pick something out…we are inevitably wrong and should have never put our socks on to began with! Agh the agony! So what is the perfect gift? I know for me it is something that makes me happy, or can keep me occupied. Clothes for gifts should be burned unless I say, “I need a pair of Silver Tab Levis 34/34 loose fit” Then it is ok. Other than that, cast them to the demons. Now, take my friends, I know what most of them would want as a perfect gift. Could be wrong, but not likely.
Pegg – Records, cigars, book of rare poetry, or perhaps an intellectual read
Forrester – Records, cigars, (burn the books), nice coffee mug, a stein
Pegg – anything with harley on it, a good laugh, not toothpaste
Sam – Rare waiting to be found band’s music, a spiritual challenge, photograph crap. stickball game
River – weird off the wall posters and tshirts, Crossroads the dvd

Riley - anything Shinny
In return all of my friends would say what they wanted. Why do you all insist on responding with, “Nothing.” Or “I don’t know, pick something out for me.” Let me tell you what I hear when this happens. “Oh crap, I will go to the store 16 times and maybe actually make it to a check out counter twice only to turn back with tears in my eyes and elbowing everyone who gets in the way. Settling on cash/check/or a gift card to some store that I didn’t know you hated.” So for the love of all that is good and holy, just tell your loved one, your friend, or your parents what it is you want. Save us all the irritation, spitting up babies, grumpy new Yorkers (don’t know why I used this anology…just deal with it), and frustrated sales clerks who must have forgotten why they were hired to begin with. Just tell us what you want or don’t expect anything other than a crappy hallmark card. To be cont…