Thanks to the Undeserving

With the good ole Turkey Day approaching quick and sneakily I am going to share my 'thanks' with those who in my eyes don't deserve it at all. In fact I think they should be called out for all eternity on their arrogant and at times ignorant choices...or giving’s if you may.
-To the family that sat down next to me tonight (despite the 5 booths open on either side of) with 4 kids all wanting to disregard their dinner and play with their "must have toy' at the table. I should have tried to convince them that their kids could indeed choke on them. I love that warning, "choking hazard for kids under 5", how about..."The guy you sat by is a choking hazard for moronic parents and obnoxious kids who insist on stealing your fries".
- To the German waitress whom when I attempted to order my entire meal and friend’s meal in German, answered in better English than me and proceeded to ridicule me on not knowing German saying, “You Americans really should learn German.” Funny thing is her English wasn’t that good because I translated that into, “Please shove your fork through my jugular vein…and twist”.
- To the German Poltzei who gave me a speeding ticket for going 3 miles over the speed limit. So you can imprison millions of Jews but I can’t accidentally go 3 miles over the speed limit? So why doesn’t the “I didn’t know the speed limit sign was there” work as good as “What concentration camp?”
- To all the companies that don’t ship to APO addresses…thanks for your military support.
- To the secretary of the eye clinic. Apparently when they sent me a letter, an email and even a voice mail that my appointment was at 9 AM they actually meant to say, “We know you are scheduled for 0900 but if you aren’t here by 0800 then we are going to cancel you and try to reschedule by 2008.”
-To the guy who constipated Sam by sitting next to him in the stalls. Because that is just funny.
- To Pam, for leaving Pegg to fend for himself…poor guy.
- To Nash’s teacher for making Aaron want to chew is own arm off.
- To the patient with bad breath whom Dr. Pegg has to work on making him grossly sick and wanting to vomit all over the place but can’t so he does a little in his mouth because of his mask and ends up swallowing it again. At least it was a warm snack!
- To the lady whom stood behind me at the post office this morning. I have no idea how but for some reason my obvious avoidance of eye contact, nervous jittering and even pretending to be on my cell phone actually translated into, “please tell me all about your surgery two months ago, your busy Christmas shopping, your annoying job and your son and his wife who had to wrestle a guy away from their children at dinner because he was trying to shove the happy meal toy down their throat.”

Happy Turkey Day to all of you...you B@$%@*&$